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Friday, January 06, 2006
The Wade Wilson complex
Seriously man.. life would be just a tad different if i did not relent and open up the damn gates. All because of indecisiveness. I mean what should i do with the money from the spoils of our previous house sale. Blah.. let's spend them on whatever comes to mind. Mind? What mind? Money makes Man mindless. Average Man. Ok just Man. Sheesh..
It's all downhill from there, man. Mess i could never fathom or get out of. Still do, at times. To think that i could read people well enough to know their intentions or thoughts. Yet it happened. Ok so that shit was quadruple plus a couple and add another ermm, 2 more years back. Verde was the name of the product as well as the company. Dunno if they're still around. If they do, i like to meet every single one of the people there. For a chat... Especially the one that zeroed in on the dumb, gullible, naive, not-so-lil 'OKB' then. Vultures come in all shapes, sizes, species, colours or creeds. A shining example that prick was, come to think of it. Thanks for making me feel like Mankind's excrescence. Still, i shall carry it solely on my shoulders. My own fault. But fuck you anyways..
All i just wanted was to clear those occasional adolescence break-outs. With some moolah to despatch, my option on the facial products was on a rather wide scale. A lil too wide for my own damn good. Along came this prick from Verde, one afternoon. Soon as the door opened, he saw a perfectly, delectable opportunity of a meal-ticket(fingers pointing at this writer). With incisors sizing up a fat ass chunk of the meat, he unleashed whatever tricks picked up from the trade. Got me to let him in and even to the point of making his way into the master bedroom to see whatever products we had. To cut it short, doode managed to oust more than 300 bucks out of me with the concern he supposedly had to see that this face 'be as smooth as his'. Painstakingly instructed me with the details of the facial applications which i followed for 3 weeks. There will always be a slight burning sensation on my face after each application and though after consulted, the guy told me it was normal. Even when it started to hurt. Even when it started to reddened. Even when it started to swollen. .......even when my damn face started to crack! He came by once after the damage was at the pinnacle. Did'nt even wanna come in this time to try to push more products in these hands while he pry whatever change i got left in my fist. A fist that was meant to forcefully connect to a certain someone's face. He never returned like he said he would every month to check up on my so-called progress..
My world was bleak there on then. Momentarily forgotten how the skies look as the head was facing downwards whereever, whatever and whenever. It was subsequently getting worse and nothing helped, much. At wits end with confidence no where in existence what so ever. The bleedings, the pus, the stares, the paranoias, the pain, the masked 'concerns', the stark questions, the blatant disregard of feelings... Woe is me is woe.. The eventual plunge to the dark realms of depression. Can't even see the hands in front of me. The lone journey there did'nt take long. Getting out might take awhile as the exit signs are invisible.. I begged. Prayed. Cried. Questions after another. Then, nothing. So, fine. With a reckless resolution. A monster shall be like one. Aced the look. Then the build. Yeah it kinda slipped into disillusion. Tried reaching out but nobody, nothing, no where. Like trying to scream inside a vacuum. That boy never did return from the abyss. Somethin else did. Let the carnage begin..
-Playlist-
-Midnight in a perfect world (Dj Shadow)
-Six days-remixed (Dj Shadow ft. Mos Def)
-High noon (Dj Shadow)
-Organ donor (Dj Shadow)
-Devil's advocate (Dj Shadow)
-Drums of death (Dj Shadow)
-March of death (Dj Shadow ft. Zack De La Rocha)
-Some kind of monster (Metallica)
-Waiting for you (Miri Ben Ari ft. Consequence)
-Born of a broken man (Rage Against The Machine)
-Testify (Rage Against The Machine)
-Calm like a bomb (Rage Against The Machine)
-Wake up (Rage Against The Machine)
-Touch (Seal)
-Hush (L.L Cool J)
-Karma (Lloyd Banks)
-Beautiful (Athelete)
-Reset (Outkast ft. Goodie Mob)
-Sometimes you can't make it on your own (U2)
-The Worm (Audioslave)
-Out of exile (Audioslave)
-Be yourself (Audioslave)
-Show me how to live (Audioslave)
-Ocean within (KRS-One ft. Saul Williams)
-Nice to know you (Incubus)
-Aqueous Transmission (Incubus)
-1st Movement pt.1-Halo 2 Soundtrack (Incubus)
-Here in my room (Incubus)
-Drive (Incubus)
-Pardon me (Incubus)
-Fuckin in the bushes-Snatch Soundtrack (Oasis)
-Guess who's back (Scarface ft. Jay-Z)
-Hate it or love it (The Game ft. 50Cents)
-Inner universe (Origa)
-Maybe tomorrow (Stereophonics)
-I don't wanna be (Gavin DeGraw)
-Can't take my eyes off you (Damien Rice)
-Angel (Massive Attack)
-Furious angels (Rob Dougan)
-Soul in the hole (Wu All-Stars)
-Season Song (Blue States)
-Still running (Chevelle)
-Finding myself (Smile Empty Soul)
-Leech (Sevendust)
-You are (Bilal)
-Travelling man (Mos Def)
-Good luck (Basement Jaxx ft. Lisa Kekaula)
-Heard'em say (Kanye West ft. Adam Levine)
-Hip-hop (Royce Da 5'9'')
-This blood (Black Lab)
-Sold me (Seether)
-Out of my way (Seether)
-The gift (Seether)
-White light (Starsailor)
-Way back home (Starsailor)
-Whenever, whereever, whatever (Maxwell)
-London (Smoke City)
-All is full of love (Bjork)
-My favorite mutiny (Talib Kweli/Black Thought/The Coup)
-Right now (Fort Minor ft. Black Thought/Styles Of Beyond)