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Monday, November 28, 2005

Some crazy quiz result..

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership,
of getting along with people, of getting things
done.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
US general &amp; Republican politician (1890 - 1969

You're really funny, weird, random & AWESOME! So am
I! GO YOU!


What quote fits you?
brought to you by Quizilla

4:04 PM | 0 Comment

Monday, November 21, 2005

Lebaran Blues..

I know it's a bit late for this, but it's still in the festive month.. That's right. Ain't no different from any others that went past before.. same ol' same ol' as they say. Frankly speaking, each time it comes, i'll be feeling less and less enthusiastic about it all. Hearing the songs on radio or the googbox ain't really helping either. In fact, they sort of make it a lot harder to get through those times. Is it just me, or are there anyone else feeling this shit? I might end up not going out to celebrate on the first day at all if this keeps up.

In the 20's and yet i feel like i had more than enough. Wonder how do the old & the not so old-timers everywhere put up with it. Each year i had to suck it all in for the sake of the people around me and go through the motions. Each time having to endure with this heaviness in my gut and the numbness.. I just can't feel anything. Everything.. This is bad. Losing the spirit. Maybe even lost it.. It is not suppose to be this way right? Suppose to be celebrating and be at your happiest with the loved ones, but why can't i just do that? Circumstances of the moment perhaps? Maybe. These times are now main-stays at the pinnacle of my lowest. When the head finds it so hard to ever look up in the sky.. When the smiles are as empty as the deepest and darkest of space. When the heart feels like it is so pointless to continue beating. When the soul just begs to return to where it was taken from and be free. I can't keep this up, can i? Not when there are still those who insist on my on-going existence. Ain't really in my nature, but the smiles shall etch on, despite the omnipresent even-if's..

I will still put on the traditional clothings and beg for forgiveness on the 1st mornings of Aidilfitri like a good son to his parents. My wish is that they know i meant it as well. For all the angers, disappointments and griefs that i caused them and everyone else that i loved. I'm sorry.. They probably won't ever read this and no one else would care to understand. Heck, i don't even get myself most of the times. Still, it's all about the festivities..

3:09 AM | 0 Comment

Monday, November 14, 2005

Cold as life..

There are times when i just wanna disappear. Totally drop off the face of the planet. Maybe i'll do just that, one of these days. Probably makes it easier for some people to breathe. Since my whole being just screams out disconnectivity. Like how it is with the world continuing to rapidly revolve while here lies this soul in suspended animation.

She tries hard to thaw out all the ice away. To wake me from this dark, silent, unbearable slumber. Please take my hand and guide me out of this predicament. Release this coldness that i've let stay for far too long. Kiss my closed eyes for they will open from the warmth of your lips. Whisper in my ears the words that will break the frozen locks in my heart. If she won't then i believe no one else would, or could. As i stumble my way to reach out, there was she. Through all things unpretty, she saw something in here.. I thought it was a mirage but she was adamant. Found it supremely hard to accept the words but deep down there was that slight tinge of joy. Even if there's just a speck of truth to it. Fuck it, i believe. I thank her for seeing it. For seeing me. Tears and all. There is a crystal ball in my mind. And in it, i see something as well. A quiet horizon and a silhoutte of two souls, hand in hand. Battered, bloodied, bruised, broken, but still, beautiful. Yes i know, but fuck it. Its my crystal ball.

There's a lot of rubbles to clear off and i ain't complaining. They will be cleared. One way or another. There are also lessons to be constantly learnt and i ain't ditching. Mistakes were made, regretted but ultimately realised and never to be repeated. Hopefully. Not gonna put it squarely on humanity but then that's who i am, or part of. I know that we are weak in more ways than we can imagine and in that, only then we can get stronger. If and when we choose to. I chose. No matter how long or how gruelling the journey is, i have to stick to it. I have to. The air is thin upstairs, so i guess i have to come back down til i have strong enough lungs to leave altogether. Should someone wanna join me in that perilous quest to reach the end of the rainbow, please take this weathered but hopeful hand and march onwards. God willing, onwards to forever..

1:22 AM | 1 Comment

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