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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Found it, lost it, & now gettin it back for good..

Ola.. And seriously, folks.. been on the E with things to input here lately.. Not really out to so-call wow you readers with anything i put out but still, i felt that if there's nothing good for me to dish out, then well, sorry..

Anyway, this little post here is about how things are for me, the month of Ramadan and my shakened will of training at the gym. Yeah i know, go ahead, shake your heads now. Heh.. Still, it is quite a heck of a hassle. I know it blasphemous to even think about it, but my training is taking a serious toll during this holy month. Everything is turned upside, downside, inside and out. Keep telling myself that this is a test, as always. To see if we could survive and overcome it all. So why the phrok am i complaining here in the 1st place then? Heh.. I dunno man.. Maybe it's all that waking up to finally realise you need fresh, new, SMALLER-sized pair of jeans, even though it's really a pain. Still, it's a lovely, puts-a-smile-on-your-face-after-all-these-years kinda pain. And also maybe 'cause of getting to look more and more like the pictures i have to push me harder to achieve that much wanted physique. Once again, go ahead and shake the heads all you want. Heh.. Pardon me but don't really care here.. All i know is that i set out to do this, to change myself. No more half-asses determinations. Had enough of those. Now i know all this sound like a lot of things to different people but it's not about justifying but understanding why i said all the things that were said. Been teased about my weight all the time growing up, health issues, depressions and all other stuffs. Things have to change.. but change relies on endurance, perseverence, patience, serious will-power, blood, sweat, tears, swellings, muscle aches, sores, money, support of those who care, time, whey proteins, supplement pills, nitro oxide, creatine, sacrifices and whole lot more in between or after.. been on the track on more times than i could remember. And after each of those times or in the midst, things wil surely pop up like pop-ups and detract all the efforts away as they get flushed down in the shit-hole of my life. Boy, i like to complain, don't i? Still, all that gets to me everytime. Especially when i felt that the fruits were almost ready to be plucked and wholesomely relished. Got to me really bad.. So now, after months of slogging away at the gym, i found myself down that very familiar and much dreaded road yet again. Can't do it. Won't see myself going that route again, man. No way. The thing is, how or where do i find that strength to break this ever vicious cycle for good? I have to. Might have something in the horizon if i manage to do so. Otherwise it turns round and round faithfully, like an immortal clock til the last chapter of my book. Don't want that. For Them, for Her, for the little bit of peace in mind from knowing that i did what i set out to do. For victory.. And also for Aaliyah and Zulaika.. yeah baby, for them..

1:40 AM | 0 Comment

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